Late Night Food - Fritz

Fritz is not the best poutine in Vancouver (that would be Belgian Fries on Commercial) and it's definitely not the cheapest. It's just the best place to go in Vancouver for poutine. Fritz is right downtown, half a block off of Granville, and it's open until 3am. No one is going to make it out to Commercial Drive before 10pm (when BF closes) because no one is drunk before 10pm. I don't know who thought that was a good idea but it wasn't.

Another good thing about Fritz is that when they add tax to their prices it comes out to nice round figures, like $6.00 or $4.50 and so on. All businesses should do this. Just round up, no one will notice, and plus they will be happy not to get back any stupid, heavy worthless coins. Does anyone actually spend pennies and nickels? I just put them in an empty hot chocolate tin or something which I then leave behind when I move because it's too heavy. I'm pretty sure I've never spent one.

The main draw at Fritz is the bald guy who works there, who my friends and I imaginatively refer to as "The Fritz Guy." You should go here after anything good happens to you, like you get a new job or a cute girl asks you out, because you tend to get pretty high on yourself after events like that, and the Fritz Guy will cut you back down to size before you lose your friends because you think you are better than them. It's not that he's rude or mean, it's just that his contemptuous stare will shoot like a laser into your soul and his devastatingly sarcastic customer service will make you feel squirmy and uncomfortable, so that you wonder what you did wrong. His smile is so smug and judgemental it makes you flinch. If you want to get on his good side, though, tell him that you think people who order mixed dips with their fries show a lack of character. My friend did that once, and he still remembers her every time she comes in. Oh and BTW do not under ANY circumstances use the word "fries" while in this store.

Fritz gets crowded around midnight. Come with a friend so you have something to talk about while you wait. Don't eat poutine alone anyway, or you'll feel like a loser. Don't order fries here, either. Why do people do that? The fries are the same as fries everywhere, they're not that great. Oh, what's that, the dips? Dips are stupid.